Letters 2026
Letter 83
18-01-2026 (at home)
Dear D
Christmas and the New Year have come and gone. As usual there is a period of anticipation of something new and better, but we just arrive back where we were, almost shocked to find we are more than half-way through January of the New Year. I am sorry I did not write many letters to you in 2025, hopefully I will do much better in 2026. I will tell you some of the highlights from 2025 and finish with some thoughts from my letter 81 in December.
I was extremely busy last year particularly with a Charity I am sure I must have mentioned. I joined as a member soon after we parted company in 2009, to give me some extra interest in my life. I had to leave my house, due to allegations made by your mum and live by myself causing some turmoil in my life, at a time of an economic recession with my employment under threat. Through a series of chance happenings, I was promoted through various levels in the organisation to be elected in 2020 to become volunteer leader of an area of north London up as far as Cambridge for a period of five years. There was a lot to do in my final year which is due to formally end in March. But I did manage to take a few holidays which I will tell you about.
I had a very enjoyable two weeks with my sister, who has lived in Majorca for over 50 years. She came to London to stay with me for three days. We then flew to Prague with the focus a family wedding, but we also visited various parts of the Czech Republic, to show her around and introduce her to my Czech relatives. This was a lovely opportunity to share with her some of my experiences in that country.
I spent a week in Lourdes in the South of France, in a quite beautiful area surrounded by mountains, trees & green fields. There were about two hundred or so on the trip, with at least a third wheelchair bound. The group was extremely well organised with lots of volunteer helpers, while I was there as a pilgrim, staying in a lovely hotel, able to attend the many Ceremonies, prayer services and parades and explore the town and surroundings.
I first did a section of the Camino in Northern Spain, walking 120 Km into Santiago over seven days in 2022 with a friend, thinking it was likely to be my one & only attempt. But the next year my sister wanted to go, and I joined her with some of her friends, and we did another the following year. I was accompanied only by three of my grandchildren for another Camino walk last year. It was a very special occasion brought about by chance as other members of my family were not able to make it due to illness. I could not keep pace with my grandchildren all the time, but we met up on the way each day on some sections, at breaks for a coffee, meal, or rest and of course, in the hotels for breakfast & evening meals. That may have been my last time, but I would really like to have one last go. It’s such a beautiful way to see the countryside, villages & towns and to meet & chat with random fellow walkers from around the world. It would be my dream if I could go with you.
That last letter I posted to you wondering if there was any possibility you would like to make contact with me, must have come as a shock. I had no way of contacting you and a feeling that you did not want me to be part of your life. My social media account is open to all, making it easy to trace me if you wanted. I definitely do not want it to appear that I am trying to approach you in any kind of sinister way, so when my solicitor advised me that there was no reason that I could not write to you, she obtained your address and I wrote to you, kindly asking you to let her know your feelings about me. Megan is said to have contacted her father recently is a high-profile case of an attempt to reconcile. I can only hope and pray that you did actually receive my letter, which was sent by recorded delivery, with signature needed on receipt. That wass not intended to try and put any pressure on you, just to try and provide an opening in the door, if at any time in the future you feel you would like to explore.
With much love,
Dad xxx
Letter 84
05-03-2026 (at home)
Dear D
Family relationships within the Royal Family and the Beckhams have been high up in the news recently, something I observed with a bit of sadness & distaste, but not really as anything that affected our lives in any way: their lives exist at a level totally remote from ours and they are not held as a model for the way we conduct ours. I have also seen articles about estrangement within ordinary everyday families, not displayed so prominently, buried in the inside pages, which seems to open up the unspoken, often hidden behind closed doors reality of ordinary family relationships. It can become very messy and there can be an inability to resolve conflict. We all hear about conflict directly between parents, but it also affects brothers, sisters, cousins, parents, grandparents and further afield. Often the solution is for one to cut off all contact with the other family member. Reasons for this action are all over the place and I’ll pick out some I’ve come across. A daughter texted her mother to say that she believes her to be narcissistic and never wants to see her again. Anger on both sides and unlikely to reconcile. Two sisters fell out over an unequal split in the father’s will, hiding the preceding relationships. Aunts, uncles, cousins affected as well as the primary relationship, including pain and depression over a decade. But after a separation there is hope of a reconciliation. A daughter broke off contact with her father when she began to question her own seemingly entitled childhood, being in awe of her dad as a child, with uncovered buried memories of violent outbursts, followed by apologies, and his affairs, bringing about a feeling of depression with the lack of love for her in that period of her life making the possibility of a reconciliation unlikely. Two brothers, who were close as youngsters, took different paths, married, moved away, slowly slipped out of contact, no desire to make contact, with a view that the next time they meet will be at the death of the other. Daughter with parents separated at a younger age, father remarries and the relationship with daughter flounders, fracturing all relationships. There seems to be a reason to justify the alienation in each case, although the effect of the breakup affects so many more that those intimately involved. We are not told how much effort was made working through perceived issues to find a level of understanding, possibly very little. Of course, social media fans the flames, with a view that escape from a perceived unsatisfactory relationship is the right way, no looking back. In many cases it is dissatisfaction felt by a child regarding the behaviour by a parent during the upbringing, compared to what they believe to be the normal loving relationship they should have experienced, causing anger and bitterness and a reason to make a decision to break all contact. This can cause great angst in parents, wondering where they went wrong, why they were hopeless parents. Of course, parents, one or other, can abandon one or even all their children, again causing havoc in the relationships. What happened to kindness, conciliation, understanding and love? So, you can see, I have got absolutely nowhere in my thought process, wondering where you & I stand. I wonder why I am even writing this to you. I do not feel any sense of guilty that I treated you badly as your father. I treated you the same as my parents treated me, with a light touch love, not demanding in any way, with encouragement aways for you to be the best version of yourself, helping you when you needed help. The same way as I treated my other four children. I never had any expectation about the way any of my children would treat me, intending never to be a burden to any of them. Of course, I have always felt great pleasure in their successes and sadness in their disappointments. With you it was the same, when you were born, crawling, walking, playing, starting school, learning to swim, cycle, ski, playing tin whistle, singing, your friends, changing school. Until you moved away from me, when the relationship existed with a sky-high barrier between us. I received your school reports, always excellent: I could only see you in my imagination, developing and growing from the girl I once knew, without bitterness that you had abandoned me, I accepted your decision to shut me out of your life. You could easily have found me, but you have chosen not to do so. When I wrote to you before Christmas, asking you in a gentle way to let my solicitor know if you had any thoughts about me, telling you I would welcome to hear from you in whatever way you felt comfortable. You have not replied yet. A good friend, who had a complicated relationship with her father, says she regrets her failure to make more contact with her father, when he died unexpectedly, and she suggest to me that I should give you more time. I will always be patient with you, but I would welcome the opportuity to see you.
I pray that you are happy and fulfilled in your life. I will write again soon,
With much love,
Dad xxx
Letter 85
03-05-2026 (at home)
Dear D,
I have lived by myself since I moved into this flat 13 years ago, with only occasional visits from family or friends from abroad. My second eldest granddaughter has been living with me since last summer. She lives in Australia, finished a degree course there in July 2025 and came here to London for a ‘gap year’ before she starts a Masters degree in Brisbane in July 2026. She is 22 years old and can use this flat as a base to explore opportunities and friendships in Europe during year break in her education, so she is often off somewhere. She returns from Budapest tomorrow morning & I’ll collect her from Stansted. There is evidence of her presence in the flat, like the amount of shoes blocking the entrance hall, charging devices trailing from random socket outlets, hair strands in the shower, an inaccessible bedroom, less space left in the fridge, all of which is not meant to sound like a moan, rather it is a pleasure to have her here, getting to know her and feeling the energy of youth about the flat. I have had a break for a week, but when she is home, I no longer have the privacy of my own company. We have been getting to know each other and imagined barriers are all but disappearing. She is studing nutrition, with food a very sensitive subject these days of ultra processed foods readily available at lower prices contributing to ill health and obesity. So, we avoid UPF’s and try to stick to unprocessed foods you would expect to be able to find in the vegetable rack or fridge in our kitchen.
I had a hernia diagnosed late last year. It hardly affected me for quite a while, almost allowing me to ignore it. But it has become more troubling over the last month or so, with occasional indigestion type pain. The swelling around the area of the hernia is larger and appears more frequently, reminding me of its presence. I had an appointment with the consultant a month ago and had a pre-op recently, but unfortunately, they have not been able to give me the date they are to carry out the keyhole procedure to correct it. This is not a great piece of news to write to you about, but unfortunately it is real, so I will let you know how I get on. Otherwise, my health is good. I have stopped playing tennis, until it is all resolved. The better news is that I have started swimming again at the pool we used to go to together when you learned to swim. It is much the same as when we used to go there on Saturday mornings for your lesson. It was reassurning to see you swim with confidence back then. I never learned to swim properly, as we lived near the sea in Ireland and during the Summer would go for a dip on most reasonable days, splashing about in the waves, never venturing out of my depth. I have an overarm crawl type of motion, which is not great for swimmers near me in the pool and I am now going to have 30-minute lessons to try and improve my technique.
I have a big birthday coming up next week, I don’t make a big thing of birthdays nowadays, but this is my 80th. My other children decided I should have a party, with the result that a venue has been chosen to help me celebrate, with Irish music, dancing and a buffet. It has got a bit out of hand, and become a bit of a family get together, with many coming from abroad, and with locals there will be up to 70 or 80 attending. If there was any chance you could come, I would dearly love to see you. There will be some Irish music & dancing, which I’m sure you will enjoy, bringing back memories of when you played the tin whistle, really well if I remember. I am struggling to decide if I can be brave enough to send you an invitation, but rest assured there is an open invite to you to come, with whoever you would like to bring and meet up with so many who would love to see you.
I will have to leave you with that thought in the air, with my prayers.
With all my love,
Dad xxx
Letter 86
04-06-2026 (at home)
Dear D,
May has been very busy. First there was my 80th birthday. I didn’t really want to make anything of it, but my other children wanted a celebration. As it turned out, most of the arrangements were down to me, as they have busy lives, although they gave me every encouragement. When my solicitor forwarded me your address, she also gave me a mobile number, in her belief it was yours, although she didn’t seem certain. After a little prevarication, I decided to WhatsApp you an invite, to let you know that, even at this late stage in my life, I would really love you to help me celebrate. You might say it was offered as an olive branch. Family and friends arrived from Ireland, France, Spain, Czech Republic & Australia, some staying with me, some in hotels, with friends or Airbnb, in preparation for the celebration. Over seventy turned up on the evening, to be entertained by a demonstration of Irish dancing and a chance to take part in a ceili to get the evening going. Helen played on the keyboard throughout with a selection of Irish, Czech and local music. Johnny entertained us with ‘Danny Boy’ on the saw, some more Irish songs and jokes. The twins went through the early decades of my life on a monitor for all to share. We had a break to have food from the buffet and move around among guests. Afterwards the twins continued with later decades, including photos and videos to re-capture my life. My sister painted a lovely picture with memories of our family life together and after, followed by my sister in law. I was called forward to be presented with a lovely birthday cake made by a good friend, listen to a rending of Happy Birthday and blow out candles. You didn’t choose to come along, maybe you never received the invite, but either way, in my sadness at your absence I was glad I made the effort to reach you. Sooner or later it will happen. Inviting all to join me at the front, I was very proud to introduce, first my other four children and then with almost more pride, my grandchildren, who each had some nice words to say about me. As most live a distance away, the opportunity to spend this time with all was overwhelming, imagining that you could have been here to share it.
Ten days later, all my family members having left to carry on their lives in their various countries, my flat having been blessed by their presence, I ordered a taxi at 7.00 am to take me to the hospital.
I was directed to a nice room, given a gown, loose panties & very tight socks up to my knees. I got into bed & half slept for a number of hours when an attendant knocked and came into my room to take me to anaesthetics. I was conscious of a canula attached to my hand, something in my throat, some words of encouragement, before losing track of everything, until I began to come to in a large area of some activity, all unfamiliar, a clock on the wall opposite showing the time 4pm helping me to figure out that I had misplaced more than three hours. A kindly nurse brought me a welcome glass of water to sooth the irritation in my throat. This being the first time I had ever been in hospital, it was difficult to make sense of it all. The same attendant expertly wheeled my bed out along a corridor, down a lift and back to my room. I was served soup, bread, a nice chicken salad, which I had ordered in the morning and more water. I drowsed in bed for a while, until nature called and I got to the ensuite bathroom. My consultant appeared, to review my condition. He was prepared to sign me out of the hospital if there was someone to accompany me home. My friend arrived just before 7.30pm, in the nick of time to avoid my having to stay overnight. She dropped me home, handing over a container with food for me for the next few days. My second grandchild who had been staying with me, was at home to ensure my safety. This was the first day in my life, since a child under the care of my mother, that I have been totally looked after by carers. It was very reassuring that somebody was available in my time of need.
I have been in recovery for the last 15 days; actually for the very first time today, I feel as if I am really on the mend. I had a look at my mail this morning, to see some unfamiliar letters, but not the one I always hoped for. I got in my car for the first time since the operation to drive to the hospital to have the watertight dressing removed, the cut checked as satisfactory and cleaned. I begin to feel humal again.
I know there will be a length of time between me writing this, before it reaches you. I pray that you will get to read it, as these words are written for you as if you were to pick up the letter from your post box in a few days. They are my thoughts about you at this moment. Today you are 29 years old. I wish you to have a very happy birthday, with a hope and prayer that we can reconcile in this coming year.
With all my love,
Dad xxx