Letters 2026
Letter 83
18-01-2026 (at home)
Dear D
Christmas and the New Year have come and gone. As usual there is a period of anticipation of something new and better, but we just arrive back where we were, almost shocked to find we are more than half-way through January of the New Year. I am sorry I did not write many letters to you in 2025, hopefully I will do much better in 2026. I will tell you some of the highlights from 2025 and finish with some thoughts from my letter 81 in December.
I was extremely busy last year particularly with a Charity I am sure I must have mentioned. I joined as a member soon after we parted company in 2009, to give me some extra interest in my life. I had to leave my house, due to allegations made by your mum and live by myself causing some turmoil in my life, at a time of an economic recession with my employment under threat. Through a series of chance happenings, I was promoted through various levels in the organisation to be elected in 2020 to become volunteer leader of an area of north London up as far as Cambridge for a period of five years. There was a lot to do in my final year which is due to formally end in March. But I did manage to take a few holidays which I will tell you about.
I had a very enjoyable two weeks with my sister, who has lived in Majorca for over 50 years. She came to London to stay with me for three days. We then flew to Prague with the focus a family wedding, but we also visited various parts of the Czech Republic, to show her around and introduce her to my Czech relatives. This was a lovely opportunity to share with her some of my experiences in that country.
I spent a week in Lourdes in the South of France, in a quite beautiful area surrounded by mountains, trees & green fields. There were about two hundred or so on the trip, with at least a third wheelchair bound. The group was extremely well organised with lots of volunteer helpers, while I was there as a pilgrim, staying in a lovely hotel, able to attend the many Ceremonies, prayer services and parades and explore the town and surroundings.
I first did a section of the Camino in Northern Spain, walking 120 Km into Santiago over seven days in 2022 with a friend, thinking it was likely to be my one & only attempt. But the next year my sister wanted to go, and I joined her with some of her friends, and we did another the following year. I was accompanied only by three of my grandchildren for another Camino walk last year. It was a very special occasion brought about by chance as other members of my family were not able to make it due to illness. I could not keep pace with my grandchildren all the time, but we met up on the way each day on some sections, at breaks for a coffee, meal, or rest and of course, in the hotels for breakfast & evening meals. That may have been my last time, but I would really like to have one last go. It’s such a beautiful way to see the countryside, villages & towns and to meet & chat with random fellow walkers from around the world. It would be my dream if I could go with you.
That last letter I posted to you wondering if there was any possibility you would like to make contact with me, must have come as a shock. I had no way of contacting you and a feeling that you did not want me to be part of your life. My social media account is open to all, making it easy to trace me if you wanted. I definitely do not want it to appear that I am trying to approach you in any kind of sinister way, so when my solicitor advised me that there was no reason that I could not write to you, she obtained your address and I wrote to you, kindly asking you to let her know your feelings about me. Megan is said to have contacted her father recently is a high-profile case of an attempt to reconcile. I can only hope and pray that you did actually receive my letter, which was sent by recorded delivery, with signature needed on receipt. That wass not intended to try and put any pressure on you, just to try and provide an opening in the door, if at any time in the future you feel you would like to explore.
With much love,
Dad xxx
Letter 84
05-03-2026 (at home)
Dear D
Family relationships within the Royal Family and the Beckhams have been high up in the news recently, something I observed with a bit of sadness & distaste, but not really as anything that affected our lives in any way: their lives exist at a level totally remote from ours and they are not held as a model for the way we conduct ours. I have also seen articles recently about estrangement within ordinary everyday families, not displayed so prominently, buried in the inside pages, which seems to open up the unspoken, often hidden behind closed doors reality of ordinary family relationships. It can become very messy and there can be an inability to resolve conflict. We all hear about conflict directly between parents, but it also affects brothers, sisters, cousins, parents, grandparents and further afield. Often the solution is for one to cut off all contact with the other family member. Reasons for this action are all over the place and I’ll pick out some I’ve come across. A daughter texted her mother to say that she believes her to be narcissistic and never wants to see her again. Anger on both sides and unlikely to reconcile. Two sisters fell out over an unequal split in the father’s will, hiding the preceding relationships. Aunts, uncles, cousins affected as well as the primary relationship, including pain and depression over a decade. But after a separation there is hope of a reconciliation. A daughter broke off contact with her father when she began to question her own seemingly entitled childhood, being in awe of her dad as a child, with uncovered buried memories of violent outbursts, followed by apologies, and his affairs, bringing about a feeling of depression with the lack of love for her in that period of her life making the possibility of a reconciliation unlikely. Two brothers, who were close as youngsters, took different paths, married, moved away, slowly slipped out of contact, no desire to make contact, with a view that the next time they meet will be at the death of the other. Daughter with parents separated at a younger age, father remarries and the relationship with daughter flounders, fracturing all relationships. There seems to be a reason to justify the alienation in each case, although the effect of the breakup affects so many more that those intimately involved. There was no effort working through perceived issues to find a level of understanding. Of course, social media fans the flames with a view that escape from a perceived unsatisfactory relationship is the right way, no looking back. In many cases it is dissatisfaction felt by a child regarding the behaviour by a parent during the upbringing, compared to what they believe to be the normal loving relationship they should have experienced causing an anger and bitterness and a reason to make a decision to break all contact. This can cause great angst in parents, wondering where they went wrong, why they were hopeless parents. Of course, parents, one or other, can abandon one or even all their children, again causing havoc in relationships. What happened to kindness, conciliation, understanding and love? So, you can see, I have got absolutely nowhere in my thought process, wondering where we are. I wonder why I am even writing this to you. I do not feel any sense of guilty that I treated you badly as your father. I treated you the same as my parents treated me, with a light touch love, not demanding in any way, with encouragement aways for you to be the best version of yourself, helping you when you needed help. The same way as I treated my other four children. I never had any expectation about the way any of my children would treat me, intending never to be a burden to any of them. Of course, I have always felt great pleasure in their successes and sadness in their disappointments. With you it was the same, when you were born, crawling, walking, playing, starting school, learning to swim, cycle, ski, playing tin whistle, singing, your friends, changing school. Until you moved away from me, when the relationship existed with a sky-high barrier between us. I received your school reports, always excellent: I could only see you in my imagination, developing and growing from the girl I once knew, without bitterness that you had abandoned me, I accepted your decision to shut me out of your life. You could easily have found me, but you have made it clear you have chosen not to do so. When I wrote to you before Christmas, asking you in a gentle way to let my solicitor know if you had any thoughts about me, telling you I would welcome to hear from you in whatever way you felt comfortable. You have not replied yet. A good friend, who had a complicated relationship with her father, says she regrets her failure to make more contact with her father when he died unexpectedly, and she tells me I should give you more time. I am not in a hurry, but I do want to see you.
I pray that you are happy and fulfilled in your life. I will write again soon,
With much love,
Dad xxx