Letter 37

8^th October 2015

Dear Catherine,

It doesn’t seem like 3 months since I wrote to you, because you always exist somewhere in my mind.  It is difficult to express accurately how intense my memory of you is.  You pop up instantly I see a young girl holding hands with her dad, like you used do if we were alone, the most recent around the Christmas just before you left, when we went to St Ann’s shopping Centre in Harrow and you wanted to browse around Accessorise. I feel anxious if I hear of some misfortune befalling a young girl, maybe an accident, illness or some abusive situation and I pray you are OK.  Not so long ago I dreamt of you out of the blue, not having done so for years.  This is from my journal the day after; “.....A moment later she reappears to show me, a similar one a friend has and I agree to get it for her.  She kisses me on the cheek and I begin to realise this is not normal but it feels so real.....”   And sometimes you slip from my memory altogether for a period, like now, you feel so distant as if there is no chance you will ever want to make contact, but that is superseded by the knowledge that you are there and I just say another little prayer that you are happy, caring & loving but firm in your resolve.

I am getting used to the routine of my retirement, not having to get up at 6.00 in the morning and spend the next 12 hours in Central London.  Most of my free time Monday to Friday was taken up by the need to be at work and train times controlled my life almost!  Now that discipline has gone and it has taken some time to substitute a suitable alternative discipline, as there is no pressure to get up in the mornings early, so it is easier not to bother!  But I think I have the balance right now, getting up about an hour later than before, even going for an early morning swim in the Hill Club.  I spent a nice week with Veronica and family in Belfast a few weeks ago and Iveta, Amadea & Chloe have been here for a week, leaving on Tuesday, keeping me busy.  Time just passes by without definition, as days from Monday to Friday are interchangeable and Saturdays and Sundays hardly have their previous identity.

I met John S a week or so ago to watch a football match.  He tells me Ciara is studying Architecture in Liverpool which is great news.  I wondered if you thought of Architecture too?  Whatever you chose, surely you have started by now.  I hope it goes well for you and that you appreciate your choice of career and get on well with it.  Ireland have a big match against France this Sunday and I may get to meet up with John S again in a pub in North Harrow.  The time before last Ella & her sisters were there, so I said hello & had words with their dad.

I have managed to catch some lurgi in the form of a dry throat & headache, sniffing & sneezing which is very annoyingly and I wish it would clear off.  For the moment it is lunchtime and I must go & make myself something.  I will not wait so long for my next letter.

With all my love for now,          

dad  xxx                                                                           at home in Harrow