Letter 29

10/02/2015 14:15

10th February 2015

Dear Catherine,

It has been three months since I wrote to you. This is not because I have forgotten you, far from it, I think about you every day, sometimes I even dream about you and I always pray that you are getting on well with your life, of course with the hope that we will be reconciled in the future, whenever you are ready.  What has happened over the last 3 months is that you have not changed your profile picture on Facebook.  You did so regularly during 2014, giving me a regular update on your looks and making you more real for me, although I know you probably did not follow my progress, or even think about me.  Not seeing your image has driven you further away from me, to the point where I begin to believe you will never want to see me again, in my most negative mood.  Whereas your changing photos gave hope, now the lack of them replaces that hope with emptiness.  I don’t think like that all the time, often I imagine something will spark your interest in looking me up, perhaps a friend who knows and cares about you.  Or I just accept it as it is, with no desire on your part to make contact with me, as that is your choice.  Even other times I wonder if you would like to make contact, but are afraid, or can’t bring yourself to make the move; that would be sad, if it remained that way!  We will see what is to happen and I will continue to pray.

I spent two weeks in the mountains over Christmas.  I was suffering from a chest cold, unsure if it was a virus or infection which a lot of people seem to have caught.  So I wasn’t able to do any skiing, unfortunately.  I thought maybe I would go again at the end of this month, but that is no so unlikely.  Remember you came skiing with me two years in succession.  I think you enjoyed it and I wonder if you ever managed to go skiing again since.  In those days I imagined you might manage to go skiing in the future with you, but it was not to happen!  Life has many surprises.  I can’t remember if I mentioned that my youngest granddaughter contracted diabetes type 1, three years ago when she was only 3.  I watched her when on holiday going through her routine of checking her blood sugar level and having insulin injections.  She will have to be careful with all aspects of her health for the rest of her life, but she is so brave and does everything she needs to do without complaint.  It puts anything I might think of complaining about into perspective. 

My new office is near the far end of Oxford St.  It is quite small, with space for about 25, but it is much nicer than the one you used come to those years ago.  Of course I am here now, during my lunch break, maybe imagining you having a snack with classmates at whatever school you attend.  I hope and pray your studies are going well.  You must have chosen your career path by now.  Again I hope and pray you made the correct decision and that you will get to the university you want to attend.  I have no idea if you will go to university, but if I were to have a guess, I would imaging you will leave London and attend university, to study something to do with languages of an art subject.  I can only hope that information will filter down to me about you somehow. 

Once again I have used up my lunch hour, happy that I am in communication with you, even if you can’t read it, I do feel a bit closer with the words to you.

With all my love for now,

dad  xxx                                                                           at work